2016 - MANOEUVRES & MANDATES
2016-03-02 11:48:43 -
Roddy Doyle
0
1522

Well, here we are again, comrades. And our date with destiny is edging ever closer.

Sorry, comrade?

–Youre dressed for the Arctic, comrade.

–Im canvassing tonight, so I cant stay long. Ive to get over to my constituency.

–Fine. Its good of you to even think of us. Youre confident youll be re-elected?

Very. Not that it matters, but my constituents love me.

Oh good. Any chance you can coax them into action on Easter Monday?

I object to your patronising tone, comrade.

Was I being patronising? Im sorry. My ex-wife accused me of the same failing. More than once. I blame the Jesuits.

Theyll be out.

–Sorry?

My constituents. Well have thousands of them. Its just a question of timing. If I told them tonight, theyd storm the GPO tonight.

–And Im the one whos being patronising? Moving on. Do we have our comrades from Brazil with us tonight? Good God we certainly do. Make room make room. Youve brought friends, I see – eh.

–Fernanda, Daniela, Ana Beatriz.

–Hi – yes. Lovely to see you all again. I was just saying, youve brought some friends with you.

We say we will.

Good excellent. How many? The pub is suddenly jammed.

Two hundred.

Two hundred?

We say two hundred.

I wont be buying the next round.

Through the chair – were opposed to the round system.

–Sorry, I cant hear you. The noise is

–Were opposed to the round system!

Just as well.

Point of order. Buying a round of drinks is a working class tradition and the practice should be protected and celebrated.

Two hundred pina coladas? Good luck with that.

Objection.

What?

The implication that all these women drink pina coladas. Its sexist.

And racist.

And pine-apple-ist.

Comrades! Please.

What exactly is in a pina colada, anyway?

We invade the post office.

–Sorry – eh, Fernanda?

–Daniela.

–Daniela – did you say you invaded the post office?

–Yes.

The GPO?

GPO – yes.

–Oh – why?

To see is easy or hard.

–And?

Easy.

So

We go all over. Upstairs, downstairs every room.

No one stopped you?

No one.

Why not?

We are women. Always works. No one stop us. Victory is assured.

Well, thats very encouraging.

We liberate post office, then we kill bosses.

–Ive to go.

Off to the hustings, comrade?

–Yes.

What is hustings?

The comrade is a candidate in the election, Daniela. Hes actually a TD a parliamentarian.

Is a waste of time.

I kind of agree with you. But I represent the working class. Im their only real voice in

Not talk, fight.

–Yeah – yeah, Im with you. Fundamentally. But

Declaration of Rights of Man and of Citizen. You know this declaration?

Which one?

–1793 – you do not know this? Listen up. All people, listen up stop talk. When the government violates the rights of the people, insurrection is for the people, and each portion of the people, the most sacred of rights and the most indispensable of duties. In English.

Thats terrific. And beautifully delivered. Where did you learn that, Daniela?

Objection.

We learn in school. In Brazil. In mamas milk. We all know this. This government violates the rights?

Big time.

So we kill them. And our bosses.

And the husbands.

And the children.

Especially the husbands.

–Sorry – comrade?

–Yes?

I, like I didnt sign up for this. Im not killing any children.

Do they go to private schools?

You went to a private school.

Against my wishes.

Poor you. I dont want to sound elitist, or . But its our Rising and its being commandeered by a gang of

Careful now, comrade.

Well, theyre so glamorous look.

Well, now actually. Glamour was an interesting aspect of the Rising that is only now being explored. It was arguably the only time in history when Irish men have looked glamorous.

They didnt look too bad in 1798 either.

The New Romantics of their day.

Mind you, the Fenians were a disaster.

–Im with you there emphatically. If the tracksuit had been invented in the 1860s, the Fenians would have marched out in shiny tracksuits.

Objection.

Noted. And moving on. Ive a question we might want to ponder. Does the election not ? I thought you were off to your constituency, comrade.

I can stay for the question.

–Youll have the answer?

Probably.

Right good. So. Does the forthcoming election not, coming as it does just before Easter and the anniversary of the Rising does it not take the wind out of our sails?

What sales? We are not shopping. We are making revolution.

Sorry, Fernanda. What I meant was do we actually have a mandate? Is the election not the workersopportunity to express their anger and to put their own people into positions of power?

–No.

Fine. Are we all agreed?

–Yes.

 

Great.

TAGS : Roddy Doyle 2016 series Chapter 3
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