2016-03-02 11:58:54 -
Roddy Doyle

So. Here we are again. Five of us. Two missing?

Through the chair?


We wont be seeing the other two, I dont think. Theyre after getting cheap flights to Lanzarote.

For Easter?


Theyre going off to the sun?


Well, so much for revolutionary commitment.


Moving on. Before we go through the agenda, any updates?

–Ive some good news.

Great – go on.



There should be a vote before we decide if the news is good or not.

Possibly, yes good point. But let’s hear it.

–Its two bit of good news, actually. We have a gun and some Brazilians.

Great terrific. One gun, how many Brazilians?

Three, so far.

This is encouraging. Gun first. Where did you get it?

My uncle.


He has a shotgun. Had a shotgun.

You took it?


–You stole it.

–Its a revolution were planning, comrade, not a car boot sale.

Will he not report the theft to the Garda?

Unlikely. He has Alzheimhers. But his favourite book is My Fight For Irish Freedom, so I think hed have given it to me, anyway.

Excellent. And its possibly in safer hands now if Im not being insensitive.

He was pointing it at me when I took it off him.

Grand good. And the Brazilians?

Theyre outside.

Outside the pub?


In the rain?


Well, bring them in.

Excuse me a vote.

But the rain the waters coming up the steps of the pub.

A vote. Like, who are they?

Theyre Brazilian I told you.

We probably need a bit more than that. Are they male or female?



Sorry. But do they know what were planning?

I didnt divulge the exact details, if thats what you mean.

I wasnt aware that there were any exact details.

Well, were storming the GPO on Easter Monday.

All five of us.

Well, four can storm a post office just as efficiently if youre not happy or you think Im some kind of a mole.

Comrades please.

Or an informer.

Nobody thinks youre an informer.


My grandfather shot informers.

Is that a job? My grandfather delivered bread.

Comrades please.

–Sorry – through the chair. Ive to get back to the Dáil for a vote.

Right. Fine. The Brazilians?

They’re au pairs.


And theyre being exploited by their employers the families theyre staying with.

And you met them–?

On the Luas. They were angry.

Speaking English?

No. Portuguese. But they were reading texts that their bosses had sent them, in English. Clean oven. Stop coughing. Polish shoes and leave them at door. It was outrageous.




I got chatting to them and they told me that theyd be interested in joining in.

Brazilian au pairs?

Exploited Brazilian au pairs.

Ready to topple the State.

Dying to.

Right, so. Quick vote show of hands. Discrete now, comrades. We dont want to look too like the inner council of a revolutionary army. One, two, three unanimous. Excellent. Ask them in then. Are you charging off to the Dáil, comrade?

I can hang on for a minute.

Oh, good.

Here they come. God love them, theyre drenched. Scooch over, lads, and make room for the comrades. Hello.



We are Fernanda, Daniela, Ana Beatriz.

–Youre very welcome. Céad míle fáilte. Weve been hearing all about your being systematically exploited by your employers.

Is very bad, like.

Many hours.

–Cook, clean. Toilets.

We are supposed to mind children.

My woman, she takes 10 for clean sheets. I clean the sheets. I pay 10. Is mad, like.

–Its unacceptable. I think we all agree on that. This is exactly why were here. You know about our plan?

Kill the very famous post office.

Yes. More or less.

Overthrow state.


Kill bosses.

Maybe not kill them.

He say kill them. You say kill them.

Some of them – I said. Ill be killing my own, if I get the chance.

–Its highly unlikely that Richard Branson will be in the GPO on Easter Monday.

Why would you want to kill Richard Branson?

–Hes my boss.

–Dyou know him?


My mother fancies the arse off him. She loves that ad with him in the truck.

She doesnt have to work for him.

Right sorry. We havent even looked at the minutes of the last meeting yet. So wed better get a move on. Or else the ladies here


–Sorry – the comrades here will be thinking were just a bunch of windbags. Are you heading off to the Dáil, comrade?

I can stay for a bit.

Good on you.

You want more fighters?



–Fernanda. Are you–? Do you know any others–?

Two hundred.

Two hundred? Au pairs?


–From Brazil?




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