2016-01-15 11:23:45 -
Roddy Doyle

By Roddy Doyle




Will the Syrians be with us?

What Syrians?

The Syrian refugees that are coming here. The four thousand.

-Are they here yet, even?

Hang on, hang on. Even if they are here all of them or only some of them. We cant expect them to join us when theyre only after arriving. They havent had a chance to see whats going on here. We cant expect them to know about the water charges or political corruption at local and national levels in this so-called country.

And also through the chair. I strongly object to the objectification of our Syrian brothers and sisters.


How what?

How did I objectify them?

Well, were planning an uprising. And youre assuming that the Syrians will automatically want to join us in the struggle the fight.

I am not excuse me.

Well, thats what I heard.

Deal with your own prejudices, missis. Dont pretend Im voicing them for you.


What prejudices? Youre the one whos decided that the first thing the Syrians will want to do after they land is to start a fight. And dont you dare call me ‘missis.

–Were married!

Its fluid.


–Ive a suggestion.

Great – go on.

We leave the Syrians alone. Until they come to realise that theyve simply swapped one corrupt puppet state for another one.

Will they be able to reach that conclusion without help from us, do you think?

Good point – its unlikely. But what Im suggesting is, we dont ask them to storm the GPO on Easter Monday. We could ask for their support later in the week.

Oh yeah and another thing.

Is it important?


–Go on.

Well, the idea is to replicate the Easter Rising of 1916. To an extent. Im right?

–Go on.

Well, the 1916 Rising started on Easter Monday. But it would have started on Easter Sunday, except there was a mix-up.

There was no mix-up. It was deliberate interference by bourgeois elements within the Republican movement.

Okay. Point taken. But should we not get going start it, like on Easter Sunday? Seeing as that was the original plan.

–Cant – sorry. Ive to go to my mothers on Easter Sunday.

Your mothers? This is a revolution were planning.

On Easter Monday. Monday. The day after Sunday. Its been Monday since the very beginning.

–Im only suggesting

–Youre being Eoghan MacNeill, all over again.

Fuck off, you.


Through the chair the signatories of the Proclamation all got the chance to say Goodbye to their mothers before they went out.

So, why couldnt you do it on the Saturday? Whats so bloody sacred about Sundays?

Comrades please. Moving on. Well stick to Monday.

–Ill ask my mother about shifting dinner to Saturday but my sisters coming over from Leeds.

No, no Monday it is. So, now. We have the venue and date. But numbers. We need rebels. How many have we at the moment? Seven.


I see seven.

We have Bandon on skype.

Wheres the screen?

–On my lap.

Oh. Yes. Theres a big head. Hello, Bandon.

Hows the man?

Or woman.


How are conditions in Bandon and West Cork, generally? Will you be able to get numbers out on Easter Monday, for the Rising?

Depends on the flooding.


–Its woeful at the moment. Im taking a break from the sandbagging, like.

Will you be able to persuade enough of the people to take up arms, to help bring down the State?

You wouldnt have to persuade them at the moment, like, with the river water creeping up the fuckinstairs. Everyone here would be happy enough to shoot a langer from Dublin a politician, like.

So, the conditions are ripe?

God, yeah. As long as the guns are ethically produced and no animals were harmed making them.

Great thats very encouraging.

Theres one thing, though. The name of the yoke.


The Rising. Youll have to call it something else. People here will associate ‘risingwith flooding’ – water rising, like. Theyll never buy into it if its called the Rising.

Through the chair could be a similar problem throughout the Midlands.

Well, Im saying it now. If its not the Rising, Im out.

Right right. Well put it the name on the agenda for the next meeting. Under marketing.


Moving on. Do we know any Greeks? Just a thought.

I have contacts.


But they ignored my instructions sorry, my fraternal advice at the last election. They disappointed me. Not me all right-thinking people.

–Okay. Arms.


Guns weaponry. Ordnance. What have we?

I have my megaphone. But it needs batteries.

–Weve no guns. Which brings us back to the Syrians.


Noted. We need arms. Agreed?


So. Are we against sponsorship?

TAGS : Roddy Doyle 2016 series Chapter 1
Other Roddy Doyle News
Most Read
Most Commented