IRELAND IN 2006: SOCIETY
I wasn't happy... I wanted answers
by Abiola Egbeyemi
Abiola Egbeyemi, a young Muslim woman living in Carlow, says she used to be just another 'Muslim-By-Name', going out clubbing, having a few drinks and a boyfriend. She recounts her return to Islam which has brought a new peace to her life, and she describes some of the challenges Muslims in Ireland face when practising their faith
I was born a Muslim in Nigeria, and my father and mother were Muslims. During my childhood I was brought up to know Islam as my religion and understood that I had to be a good child, respect my parents and anyone older than me. When I was 13 I went to a madrasa (Quran school) to study Quranic Arabic after school, where I met loads of nice people and I learnt to read the Quran. Within a year I had finished the Quran in Arabic but I didn't know the meaning in English. As a child growing up in a predominately Muslim community, I never felt different. My parents were not strict. They allowed me go out and for friends to come over. They didn't really tell me much about Islam and neither did they make me wear a scarf nor force me to do anything.
I came to Ireland when I was 14, and as I grew older my Islamic values dropped. Even though I still called myself a Muslim, I didn't act like one. As time passed I started to go clubbing, had a few Smirnoff ice and some male friends. During Ramadan (fasting) I wore a head scarf (hijab) to school and I fasted, but immediately after Ramadan ended I would be back in the clubs, which most 'Muslims-By-Name' do these days.
When I turned 19 I started to realise I wasn't too happy with my life. Many things happened - people I knew died and my relationship with my boyfriend wasn't right. I was forced to ask myself 'why was I created?' I wanted an answer. I wanted to know what my purpose in life was. I wanted to know if I was created just to have fun, study, have kids and die. I also wanted to know what would happen after I died.
I decided to become serious about my religion. Opening the Quran gave me the answers to all my questions - it said in a surah (chapter), 'with every hardship comes ease' and 'we shall all be tested'. Another part read, 'Verily, the likeness of this worldly life is as the water (rain) which We send down from the sky; so by it arises the intermingled produce of the earth of which men and cattle eat: until when the earth is clad in its adornments and is beautified, and its people think that they have all the powers of disposal over it, Our command reaches it by night or by day and we make it like a clean-mown harvest, as if it had not flourished yesterday! Thus do we explain the Ayat (proof) in details for the people who reflect' (surah Quran 10:24).
There and then, I knew I wanted to go back to this religion. I wanted it with my heart and soul. I thought of everything I would have to give up - the types of clothes I wore, my make up and, most of all, my boyfriend. I thought about it for a long time and this caused me to change. I knew I would lose most of what I had. I didn't know if I was ready, but I knew Islam in its original form according to the Quran and sunnah (sayings of the Prophet) was what I wanted, so I started to take steps.
I spent my 19th birthday with my family and my boyfriend - who noticed I wasn't the same. He asked me why I was acting strange with him but I didn't tell him. I knew if I told him I would lose him and if I didn't I would still lose him, so I kept quiet. He later ended it with me, which brought sadness to my life but I knew Allah had something better for me.
During that year I started to wear the hijab. I covered myself from head to toe but left my face and hands out. I stopped clubbing. My friends didn't know what to make of the sudden change. They asked if I was okay and if I needed help. At the end of the day they accepted me as it was the real me. My family also realised that I was very happy.
After a while I met a woman from Morocco in Carlow who taught me to read Arabic. She helped me read the Quran, parts of which I had almost forgotten. I saw her everyday, she cooked and was such a nice Muslim sister. Reading Arabic again was so hard for me, the dialects I found very hard to pronounce, but later I got to grips with it. I enjoyed reading the Quran as it brought peace to my heart. The only problem was that I couldn't translate it into English. I could only read it in Arabic - but I had the English Quran.
I have never looked back to my past life. I am glad I changed and am enjoying my new life even though it comes with its problems - for example, it's hard to find a job while covered up with a niqab (face cover), its also hard to find a good husband and its very difficult for people not to judge you immediately and think of you as a bomber. I wish the world would see me for me and look past my dressing.
Being a Muslim in Ireland is a bonus, as you have so much freedom to practise your religion. Although it's a Catholic country, the people, especially in Carlow where I live, respect me. The down part of being in Ireland is that the practising Muslims here in Carlow are very few. There is also no mosque in my area so there is nowhere nearby for me to seek more knowledge about my religion. On festivals like Ramadan and Eid I am always very lonely and sad, I have no-one to talk to or share happy days with. The atmosphere is dead around me, as I live alone. The few people that I know speak mainly Arabic and I have to say I don't always feel comfortable in the midst of people that don't speak English just like me.
During the good month of Ramadan, for example, I decided to go into retreat at the mosque for ten days. I was so happy and looking forward to the experience. On getting to the mosque, I started to have butterflies in my stomach. I didn't know my way around and there was no one to take me around. I started to feel so lonely at that moment. I went into a room and everyone there was blabbing away in Arabic, and I was telling myself, 'why did I come here? There is no-one like me here'. Although everyone there were Muslims and wearing the hijab, I didn't feel welcomed.
Later that night, when it was time to sleep, I decided to talk to a girl in my sleeping area. As I can be a very loud extrovert girl I couldn't help but talk. I wished her salaams (peace) and she returned it, then I told her I didn't speak Arabic so I felt lonely and asked her why no-one welcomed a new face at the mosque. She explained to me that it wasn't possible to welcome everyone and that I was wearing a hijab, so she guessed there was no need. The next day I noticed I was just one of the few that didn't speak Arabic. Ninety per cent of people that attend the mosque speak Arabic and some don't even understand much English - but don't get me wrong, there were attempts to interact with me.
However, even the imam spoke Arabic most of the time, and only during Jummah (Friday prayer) and special events like Eid did they translate into English. One day, I decided to bring up this issue with a sister and I was told that the Prophet and the religion were revealed in Arabic so I should learn it. The person told me that loads of people learn it and why did I want to be different. I explained to her that, most importantly, I could read the Quran in Arabic. In fact, because I'm not from an Arabic-speaking country people were amazed I could read the Quran in Arabic, but I told them Nigeria wasn't what they thought - it might not be part of the Arabic countries but you will find a madrasa in many places and most Muslim kids learn Quranic Arabic from childhood. My point is that I am a Muslim but sometimes I feel less of a Muslim due to the fact that I don't speak Arabic or the language in which the religion was revealed. On the other hand, my own community (Muslim Nigerians) think I'm an extremist because I correct them when they are wrong and I am very strict with my religion. I don't mix my religion with my desire. And by the way, this is all a personal writing, it is my perspective only.